cosmolinguist | Reasons I might feel weird today (Reply)

We just got back from taking Gary to the vet hospital. He's fine, he was due a checkup. But I'd forgotten entirely to make a note to make an appointment this time -- they aren't able to book appointments six months in advance so I previously made a note in my calendar but for some reason in October I apparently didn't. I emailed the vet hospital last night to check if he did need to be seen or if I'd totally misremembered, they called today and said the vet ophthalmologist did want to see him and they had a cancelation this afternoon. So it was not an urgent appointment but it was still sudden.
Gary is fine. We're not able to give him his eye drops as often as they are prescribed, just because it takes two of us; he has never stopped fighting. We do what we can with our spoons and work schedules and whatnot. I wasn't too worried about this but I was a little, so it's nice to have the assurance from an expert that what we are doing is enough
I found out at work today that I'll be sent to a multi-day event later in this year where I may well see, among other people, my ex and several people who either actively wanted to ruin the lives of me and mine importantly people I'm closest to, or at the very least were happy to stand by and watch it happen. And I will definitely see many people I knew before I transitioned. D has said he'll make me up some business cards to hand out to them that just say "We don't talk about Holly."
I am not able to go to friends' wedding celebration and I didn't know until yesterday that they didn't know this (thanks to a technical glitch) so I am reminded of it/sad about it all over again.
Facebook showed me a photo taken a year ago today, me and my parents standing on the deck of their farmhouse, just before D and I left for the airport. So, apparently, the last time I was sad about losing access to that place. I still have felt absolutely nothing since for it. I don't have the best associations with it; I guess I really wasn't happy there.

I got home expecting to be tired, but I'm not. I'm not hungry either and usually I need dinner by now. I didn't want to do or not do anything. I kind of wanted to go Out someplace, be around strangers, it's the best way to get me out of my own head sometimes, but there's nowhere to go on a random weekday evening when it's still cold outside and there's still a pandemic.

So I'm just kinda dissociating. Which I always find a really uncomfortable experience.