Sometimes it's better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness

I am drastically underslept, I had a horrible nightmare and dragged myself out of it to, yay a world where nothing bad has happened to my dog (I gave him extra cheese and paid him extra attention this morning just because I was so happy that nothing bad had happened to him) but, boo, it was five o'clock in the goddam morning.

I didn't get back to sleep. I did get a stomachache. I really don't want to go to work but I'm already going to miss my other "long day" this week so at one point lying awake in bed I was wondering how I could make myself okay with working and...

...then I remembered I can start getting the bus to work today. We talked about it, this was the plan.

So that's how I, notorious hater of buses -- so much so that it made me an official volunteer campaigner to get bus drivers to treat blind people better -- ended up in tears at the thought of being able to get a bus today.

Tears of, admittedly, sleep deprivation and long-standing stress. But also of relief and gratitude, honestly.

(Also tears of frustration, that governments made choices that allowed things to get this bad and stay this bad so I haven't been on a bus in 14 months and some people won't even be able to feel as safe as I do now for goddam years yet. I'm torn between "who the fuck am I to be relatively safe, I'm no better than the people suffering more, why should I have what they don't?" and then pulling back from my own depressive mode to my favorite thing: policy. Why should any of us be suffering unnecessarily like this.)