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cosmolinguistLast night I had to share a Chuck Tingle post that said
The new job does not exist. Everything is fine. I am sad but I'm okay.
I've been judged incapable of a task I did in an old job: maybe because that was a while ago, maybe because it wasn't technically my job title, maybe because this would be on a bigger scale...I don't know. But all the feedback I got was glowing. One of the people who interviewed me literally said in the feedback "I can't find fault with your interview."
What do you do with that? As someone who cannot handle criticism of myself well at all, I have found something worse and it is not being criticized but still not getting the thing. What do I learn from that for next time? What can I do differently? Like I asked the other day, how do I ever escape this? And if a perfect interview still left me feeling so consumed with anxiety, I can't really expect that to ever get any easier can I.
In other news: I did do that thing! I'm so lucky thatdiffrentcolours had enough of a break in what otherwise seems to be a two-day migraine that he could drive me, tell me what was going to happen (having had to do the same thing himself; the only difference was that this particular bank branch had remodeled slightly since he'd been there!) and wait with me. The thing itself only took a few minutes but there was lots of waiting.
And he also had the amazing idea to go to Pancho's for lunch afterwards, our canonical lunch back when he used to work in town and I used to meet him there.
And I was tidying up the backyard because we're having a storm so bad it has a name (Eunice here, Zeynep in Germany).
My poor Gary has always been scared of wind, it makes scary noises and he doesn't like it when things move without apparent cause. This has only gotten worse as he's lost some of his sight as an older dog. My heart goes out to him being startled and nervous in such situations.
So he's a goddam hero for going outside at all today, having to pee in these conditions! He's actually been super well-behaved and very brave about going outside (which I wouldn't be myself!). He's been a little clingy with all three of us at different times today, he's been anxious at times and needy at other times, but I can see him trying to manage his big emotions in his tiny body too and he's done so well, I am so proud of him.
sorry had to jump to other timeline for a bit im back now just wanted to say: on timeline of project youre thinkin on it works out very well AND in different way than anyone expected. on the timeline where you dont do it everythings FINE but also it doesnt exist. food for thoughtI shared it because it so perfectly encapsulated this feeling I had as I waited to hear back about the job I'd interviewed for. I did want it to work out very well and in a different way than anyone expected. But I could also see the timeline (as Terry Pratchett would say, the other leg of the Trousers of Time) where the new job did not exist but everything was still fine. I really wanted it but as far as I could tell I really did feel like I'd be okay if I didn't get it. When I didn't get it. Oh come on I'll totally get it... I'll never get it... I'd spent four days like this, spinning between these two possibilities as quickly as I could think the thought, both seeming about equally plausible.
The new job does not exist. Everything is fine. I am sad but I'm okay.
I've been judged incapable of a task I did in an old job: maybe because that was a while ago, maybe because it wasn't technically my job title, maybe because this would be on a bigger scale...I don't know. But all the feedback I got was glowing. One of the people who interviewed me literally said in the feedback "I can't find fault with your interview."
What do you do with that? As someone who cannot handle criticism of myself well at all, I have found something worse and it is not being criticized but still not getting the thing. What do I learn from that for next time? What can I do differently? Like I asked the other day, how do I ever escape this? And if a perfect interview still left me feeling so consumed with anxiety, I can't really expect that to ever get any easier can I.
In other news: I did do that thing! I'm so lucky that
diffrentcolours had enough of a break in what otherwise seems to be a two-day migraine that he could drive me, tell me what was going to happen (having had to do the same thing himself; the only difference was that this particular bank branch had remodeled slightly since he'd been there!) and wait with me. The thing itself only took a few minutes but there was lots of waiting.And he also had the amazing idea to go to Pancho's for lunch afterwards, our canonical lunch back when he used to work in town and I used to meet him there.
And I was tidying up the backyard because we're having a storm so bad it has a name (Eunice here, Zeynep in Germany).
My poor Gary has always been scared of wind, it makes scary noises and he doesn't like it when things move without apparent cause. This has only gotten worse as he's lost some of his sight as an older dog. My heart goes out to him being startled and nervous in such situations.
So he's a goddam hero for going outside at all today, having to pee in these conditions! He's actually been super well-behaved and very brave about going outside (which I wouldn't be myself!). He's been a little clingy with all three of us at different times today, he's been anxious at times and needy at other times, but I can see him trying to manage his big emotions in his tiny body too and he's done so well, I am so proud of him.