Sometimes it's better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness

Today was definitely an improvement mental-health-wise, but only because the bar was so low!

One of my problems is that mentally preparing for an intercontinental flight is an experience where derealisation and depersonalization are actually reasonable responses. As we had dinner tonight I was thinking "after tomorrow I won't be sitting here for a while, I won't be making dinners, I won't be sarcastic at the dog when he squeaks and looks up at us with his best puppy-dog eyes. I felt so detached from everything I was suddenly determined to make a salad tomorrow because otherwise I'd worry about the vegetables I abandoned in the fridge (an especially ridiculous thing considering I'm leaving behind two humans perfectly capable of making their own salad!). It reminded me of times I've heard my parents speculate about the traffic they'll hit on their way back from dropping me off at the airport, or what the weather will be like that night. I don't get to experience those things, I remember telling myself. It's dizzying, to be so close and already feel so far away. Like a spatial version of the Trousers of Time! (Trousers of Space doesn't quite have the same ring to it somehow though...) It's sorta what I was talking about here.

The second problem I had today is that I only slept for one hour last night. An hour! That's not even a good nap! I tried to work but got all wound up and stressed out after an hour or two so emailed in sick for the rest of the day. I went back to bed, dozed for a bit and had some cuddles with D. I still had a volunteer meeting this evening that I wanted to go to -- online and undemanding for me so I could manage it -- so8 after another attempt at a nap I did that. D had dinner ready as soon as the meeting finished at seven, good househusband that he is.

This makes tomorrow a little more difficult than I'd hoped -- I have work to catch up on and I didn't start packing like I'd hoped to today -- but that will have to be okay.