Sometimes it's better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness

Today was such a stressful day at work. By 3:30 I was frantically doing as little of it as I could get away with in hopes that I can be functional by the time I have counseling after work.

I was expecting to do a social thing after that, which I had been looking forward to but by this point vacilated on from one second to the next. I could equally easy make the "ignore your bad brain and do the potentially overwhelming thing!" argument and the "listen to your brain and body and stay home" argument. Both felt plausible. Neither felt more likely to be correct than the other. I hate it when my anxiety and depression gang up on me like this, leaving it feeling impossible to make a good choice.

I spent all of counseling talking about feeling isolated and not having roots or a sense of belonging... And then I was like "oh I don't know if I can make myself go to this local queer event's first birthday, which I'm so lucky to have in my neighborhood and where I've met so many nice people..."

Even knowing it's exactly the thing I need, it was so difficult to get myself out of the house.

I rode my bike there, which was a great decision, really enjoyed that. The weather was beautiful even at 7:30 (ckear skies, just starting to come down from the day's high of 77°F), and it was a quick familiar ride.

I didn't feel good at the event and left about halfway through.

Came home (smooth and quick on the bike!) and had a beer with D in the garden as the sun went down, the bats came out, and we admired the tiny crescent moon. A nice end to a long day.