Sometimes it's better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness

I've had panic attacks and anxiety attacks, why don't we call them depression attacks?

Because I think that's what this was. That's what I've had all weekend.

I've had...whatever this is...before but not for a while: last time I remember was more than a year ago because I still had my old job. I was walking to work and I remember thinking wow I really do not feel especially safe crossing this road right now! I've described my nystagmus as meaning "I see slowly" ever since I discovered that description, and I suppose it makes sense that, since my nystagmus is worsened by any illness (colds, stress, anything mental or physical) and because depression is a slowing-down-bodily-processes thing for me, of course depression could exacerbate the nystagmus! What a pair they make.

Similarly this afternoon and evening I could feel my eyes not working. I'm glad that mother_bones's plan for dinner involved ways I could help without having to deal with heat or sharp edges. I was feeling really dissociated at the time too, detached from my surroundings and just watching myself do the things I was doing. I've had these feelings of derealization and depersonalization before as well, but I don't know if I've ever had them this intensely. I always find them incredibly unpleasant. All the more so because I'm completely unable to communicate how badly I'm doing.

I'm just hoping I sleep: I have two really demanding days ahead of me before I fly to the U.S. on Wednesday... for a series of more demanding days. Not least because my parents announced that, rather than move their things gradually to the new house over a period of weeks, they're going to do it all on Saturday. Or, should I say, by Saturday because my parents already have plans for things the three of us are gonna move before the family and friends show up to help on Saturday. Uffda.